It's honestly quite bittersweet to grow older; the process of escaping the shell that our elders were protecting us with in order to learn how to become adults. There are days I long for the times where I’d come home from school, watch my new That’s So Raven episode with a nice meal my mama would have made us. When I flashback to moments like this, I take bliss in the fact that I had the opportunity to lead a simple life and not have a care in the world. As we grow up, we get confused about what we prioritize it seems. The more I look around me and see how people have conformed to this new norm of putting on a facade saddens me. Let me dive deeper for you to pick up what I’m throwing down.
When I was in high school, I launched this blog. I initially began writing because I wanted to convey my passion for fashion in the non fashionable and conservative state of Washington. It was fun for me in the beginning as this became a new hobby. I got to connect with lots of creative individuals around me, and I had the platform to show a new side of myself. A few months into this hobby, I noticed things started to shift. I began to have a sizable following for a girl in high school, which is where the toxicity from social media would soon get to my head. It became an environment where I desired to paint a picture for my followers that was luxurious and glamorous, when in reality I was exhausted. It was like I was dissociating from real life by creating my perfect world online. Whenever people would introduce themselves to me, I would advertise my Instagram and use it as a source of credibility for them to think I was elite and for them to try to get into my good graces. Little did I realize how superficial this was. I cannot fathom that I used to use my Instagram to show off so I would have a good ranking in social circles. I can personally admit now that I probably used it as a mechanism for my insecurity. I think to myself at present, “Where is the logic Yasmeena?!” How could I be so insensible and not love myself to the point I would subconsciously do this? I know I have much more to offer than that, which is why I quickly snapped out of it thankfully.
We fail to register that life is so much more than one upping each other. Life is about living. Truly living. A lot of the times that I’ve ever had REAL fun were not documented and posted on social media because I was engaged in the moment. I think back to all the mental and physical exhaustion that came along with keeping up with this facade of documenting a quote on quote “perfect life”. I remember driving to Seattle, commuting, meeting with photographers, all while on 3 coffees and 0 food. I would be so hungry and irritable while I was being rained on or in the freezing cold. All for what? For a photo? That might get a few hundred likes?.. if any! It's in our nature to compete with each other, but I urge you to shift this thinking and start competing with yourself. An example I can share of this is when I go to the gym. Sometimes I see other girls lifting heavier or they're bigger than me and I get a bit jealous/self conscious, but then I look in front of me and remind myself that I should only be competing with the girl in the mirror. I should attempt at making myself better and acknowledge that I am proceeding at my own pace. Compete with yourself whilst also showing yourself compassion in the process. Compassion and self love is so important!
The past few years I feel like I’ve woken up and opened my eyes anew for the first time. More recently, the past year has been my growth peak I would say, as I have learned how to be appreciative of life. I start the day being grateful no matter how frustrated I get on certain days. There will always be turmoil in my life, that’s the nature of the living world, but that doesn’t stop me from counting my blessings. For example: I’ve been actively going to the gym this year and sometimes have injured myself. When falling weak to an injury, I went crazy at the fact that I couldn’t move my back or my pinky was fractured, or at whatever injury refrained me from functioning normally. When this would occur, I would stop myself and think “No”. I am fortunate enough to have a “khil2a kamli” as they say in Arabic which means healthy life where I have the God given ability of mobility and no deformities/diseases. We need to remember this. However you want to believe in God or the universe, just be grateful. Be grateful for the opportunities you have and the blessings placed in your life. I’m often a pessimist where I see the cup as half empty instead of half full, but I am slowly conforming into being optimistic about my life. The one concept behind my newly found optimism is the idea that everything happens for a reason. We are constantly being tested by the universe. If the universe does not want something for you and you have attempted again and again, odds are it’s because it is trying to tell you that it’s not for you. There is another path that it's encouraging you to take. The same mistakes you make are because you are being challenged to change something you should probably change.
To circle back to my point, don’t worry about others and be grateful. Worry about yourself and take every day as a new opportunity. Cut ties with people that will not better you and cultivate meaningful relationships with those that you can learn from. For you to become better, you must surround yourself with the individuals you strive to be like. This life is your own so be true to yourself. Love yourself. We come into this world on our own and we leave alone too. So what do you choose to learn and leave while you’re here? Your time on Earth is finite, so do what your heart tells you to do. Learn to be confident too! I have a hard time with this but it’s slowly coming to me. And lastly, life is too short to play games. Chase what you want. You like something? Voice it. You need something? Work hard and get it. Playing games is in my opinion one of the most detrimental things that humans do, especially teenagers/young adults in their 20's. I see an abundance of these scenarios where brainless games are so prominent in our generation and think of how saddening it is. Humans sometimes have a tendency to manipulate peoples’ emotions just to exert a a complex of superiority over one another. It’s childish and there is so much more to live for than this foolishness. Sometimes all you need is a simple block to move away from the hatefulness and focus on yourself.
To that end, go out and be great!
Much love,
